Friday, March 13, 2009

Support Group

On Wednesday night, I went to my first support group at the hospital. I was so nervous. The whole day, I felt really on edge, like tears were just under the surface. On the way to the hospital, I put in Sydney's cd--the songs we played at her funeral. That started the tears. When everybody was giving their introductions at the group, I cried a lot. All of the other stories were so sad. It is awful to think about how many people have been through this. There were a couple of moms who lost their babies a little over 3 years ago, so it does give hope that it gets better at some point.

I am really glad I went. I realized that the way I feel is pretty normal in this situation. I don't feel quite so crazy anymore. On the way home, I stopped at Target and bought a big teddy bear. When I got home, I dressed it in the homecoming outfit that we'd picked out for Sydney and wrapped it in the matching blanket. I cried so hard while I did that because I'd pictured myself dressing Sydney in that same outfit to bring her home and now all I can do is dress a bear. Eric watched me dress the bear and when I held it and broke down crying, he did too. It felt oddly relieving to cry together like that. I slept with my new bear cradled in my arms, the way I used to cradle Christian and Hailey when they slept with us. I did sleep better the last couple of nights.

No comments: