Thursday, March 26, 2009


The hospital sent us some more pictures. These are more like the traditional newborn pictures that all babies get. There were several poses. We have two black and white 5x7's of the main pose, then some 3x5's of the other poses, and some wallets. I think I might call and order some more, maybe a bigger one that I can frame or something.

I went out of town for work this week and we were pretty busy, so I had a pretty good distraction. When I got home and saw the pictures (of course, they came while I was gone and I had to wait even longer), I just broke down. :( I don't know how much more of this pain I can bear. It is so suffocating, sometimes I feel like I literally cannot breathe.

It seems like, 6 weeks later, the finality is really hitting me. I mean, I know that death is final, but it seems to really hit hard right now. It's hard to explain. Maybe other angel mamas will understand what I'm trying to say. Sydney is never coming back, I'll never hold her again, I'll never see her sweet little face. It's overwhelming and it hurts so badly. I want to fall asleep and never wake up.

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