Thursday, March 19, 2009

Glory Babies

Tonight I met with a mama who runs the local Glory Babies support group. Glory Babies is a Christ-centered group for infertility and pregnancy/infant loss. The other Glory Babies groups are in Texas, but this particular group is the only one outside of Texas and it is only about 5 minutes from my house. She told me that I'm the first person to call her since she started the group here.

Meeting with Jen was very fitting this week. I've been having a lot of trouble accepting Sydney's death and I find myself having a crisis of faith. I've never once in my life questioned whether or not there is a God, but I have been lately. I wonder, how can a loving God take my sweet little baby from me? These thoughts are so distressing for me because my biggest comfort is that Sydney is in Heaven and she's safe and happy in the arms of Jesus. I cannot stray from my faith now. I look forward to the day that Sydney and I are together in Heaven. Jen and I talked a lot about this and she offered me some scripture and books to help me. I guess that what I'm going through is normal, but I don't want to feel this way. I wish I could ask God why Sydney died and actually get an answer from Him. I want to know why I have been chosen for this path because I don't feel strong enough to cope with it and why my baby girl was chosen to be an angel and not get to see and experience life on Earth. Of course, at this point, no reason seems like it could justify this pain and anguish that we all feel.

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