Friday, April 24, 2009

Under The Tree April

April's Under the Tree questions from Carly at Love Reign Over Me:

How long has it been since you lost your child/ren? Has your grief changed at all? Is your life becoming any easier or is it just harder as time passes?

Sydney was born and died 10 weeks and 3 days ago. I don't think my grief has changed much since it has been so long. It is still very raw and new, like a fresh wound that is so easily broken open. It seems like it has only gotten worse in the first weeks because time keeps moving on and I don't want it to. I feel like every day that passes is another day further from her.

How do you feel when you see pregnant women when you are out and about?

I feel a very deep sadness. I am supposed to still be among those pregnant women. I should be 31 weeks today. I am also incredibly jealous that all of those women will get to bring their babies home but I didn't get that chance.

Whats your therapy in the aftermath of losing your child? Do you go to counseling? Do you do artwork or some kind of exercise or do you simply just let yourself be? What helps you?

My blog is my best outlet. I am also involved in three support groups and I go to a counselor. Otherwise, I feel too apathetic right now to do much. I'm not a particularly creative person, so I don't draw or paint or anything like that. I do enjoy writing so I use my blog for therapy.


9 comments:

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Sydney is so beautiful. I am so sorry for your pain and for the great loss of your precious baby girl. Praying God's continued comfort and sufficient grace for you on this journey...

Love and Prayers,
Kelly Gerken
Sufficient Grace Ministries

http://sufficientgrace-kelly.blogspot.com/2009/04/under-tree-april-hope-for-journey.html

2feetonearth1inthestars said...

Sydney is beautiful! I'm so sorry for your loss. You are still so fresh on your journey. It's all so new. Please if you need someone to talk to just give me a holler

Namaste
Melissa

Holly said...

I think my blog is the best outlet too. I can write down how I'm feeling and my thoughts and memories. It'll always be there to look back on. I have 2 support groups and they've been wonderful. I'm glad you have something like that too.

Mary said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sydney is beautiful. We are here for you. No one hear to judge just listen.

Delekatala said...

I am also fairly new to this journey. I have found my blog to be a huge help. I don't think anyone but one faithful follower really reads it, but it is nice to be there for me to read sometimes. I am glad you have beautiful photos to remember her by. Jenny

caitsmom said...

I am so sorry Sydney isn't growing safely inside. She is beautiful. Thanks for joining us under the tree. Your statement about getting "further out" rings so true for me as well. I hated that each day after my daughter's death I was farther away from her. Sending love and hugs.

Rebekah said...

Sydney is beautiful. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you've found an outlet for your grief, thank you for sharing with us.

Mrs. A said...

It was always the hardest to see pregnant women when I still should have been pregnant, some how it gets easier...but the jelasousy I'm not sure if it ever goes away! Thank you for sharing!

Sara said...

You are so fresh in your grief. I'm sorry your precious girl is gone. Thank you for sharing.