Doctor appointment today

I had a follow up with my OB today. I've been having a lot of bleeding and cramping still. He said that it is typical in a situation like this to have problems with retained placenta or other "products of conception" so he wanted to do an ultrasound. I do have some "junk" left behind. I told him I'd like to avoid a D&C if at all possible, so he's giving me another week to pass it and then if it won't come out, I'll have to have the D&C.

He had the pathology report and level 2 ultrasound report. My level 2 ultrasound was done on February 4th, just 4 days before I ended up in the hospital. The report showed that Sydney was a perfect normal baby. The pathology report was hard to swallow. The baby's side of the placenta showed a stage 1 grade 1 infection, which was an acute infection due to the premature rupture of membranes (PROM). The maternal side of the placenta had a grade 2 stage 2 infection. He said it was more advanced and I'd probably had the infection for some time. The infection was the likely cause of the pre-term labor and PROM. He suspects a bacteria called mycoplasma and will do an endometrial biopsy to try to verify that at my 6 week check up. I'm also going to consult with a maternal fetal medicine specialist before I get pregnant again (IF I get pregnant again). He said if he confirms mycoplasma, I will NOT get a cerclage in my next pregnancy unless I show signs of cervical weakness and he will do regular cervical length checks to watch for that. He said the cerclage would increase my risk of reinfection so it isn't a smart move if infection was the problem. I guess mycoplasma is hard to get rid of or it reoccurs easily. I'd also be on antibiotics throughout the pregnancy to prevent a recurrence. Of course, this is all IF I get pregnant again and we just aren't in a place to decide that right now. I'm leaning towards it, but I need time. I need to heal physically and emotionally and I need to lose more weight. I want to be as healthy as possible before I face a hard super high risk pregnancy.

As I was waiting for the nurse to finish my paperwork for Eric's FMLA leave, I was talking to the receptionist. She asked me, how's your baby? She had no idea what had happened I guess. I just stared at her for a second and then I said, my baby passed. She was really freaked out. She said, oh my God, I'm so sorry, I am so sorry, I didn't know. I was crying, she was crying. The nurse finally brought my paperwork and I just left. I stopped in the bathroom to just cry for a minute before I could compose myself enough to drive. I go back to work on Monday so I guess I need to prepare myself for this kind of thing. I work in a very small office, mostly alone, but with one other person sometimes so of course she knows. My bosses and anybody I talk to regularly know, but the customers don't. I've been there for almost four years, so I know my customers pretty well. Many of them knew I was pregnant because I was showing and of course, telling people. Why not? Once you get out of the first trimester, you're supposed to be safe, right? I don't know how I will keep my composure and not break down and cry when people ask about my baby.