Blah

The last couple of days have been so blah. I feel lost. I start to do something and I just wander away and forget. I feel like my life has no point or direction. If I didn't have Christian and Hailey, I don't know what I'd do. They are truly my reason for living right now.

Sydney was laid to rest on Wednesday afternoon. Her service was beautiful. My long time friend Kimber was able to put us in contact with her Pastor and he conducted the service. The kids have been taking it rather well, but on Wednesday, they finally broke down. I think the finality of it all hit them. We ended the service with them releasing balloons to Heaven for Sydney and then they just cried and cried. Their pain amplifies my pain. I hate to see my babies hurt so much.

I'm working on Sydney's birth story and more about her short life and how it has changed my life. Four months ago, before I found out I was pregnant, I didn't think I ever wanted another child. Now, she's all I want.