Sunday, August 9, 2009

Six months

It has been six months since my entire world was turned upside down and I was left brokenhearted, with empty arms and a grief that no mother should ever have to bear. Some times it is hard to believe that six months have already passed, but other times, I can't believe it has only been six months.

My beautiful girl came to me in my dreams again. This time, she was born early and was the same size and everything. The doctor tried this weird treatment of submerging her in a tube of fluid to develop her lungs, but it didn't work. I took her out of the tube and everything about her was just as I remember. The shape of her little head, with the dark coloring where hair was ready to grow in. The long fingers, arms, and legs. And that sweet face. I cleaned her up and dressed her in a tiny soft sleeper and held her. While I held her, she opened her eyes. I longed to see her eyes, but they were still fused shut when she was born. I finally saw her eyes. They were a very deep blue. She moved all around in my arms, looked at me, and at one point lifted her tiny head up off of my chest. Then I just woke up. I hate to wake up from those dreams. I long for the next.

4 comments:

Mary said...

I also hate when those dreams just end. I wish they were a lot longer. I'm glad to hear that she has come to you in your dreams.

angie said...

Oh, Jaime, I am just so sorry. Crying with you, remembering Sydney with you. Six months was particularly hard for me. Sending you much love.

Kyles said...

Dates are so hard and they never stop hurting.

I wish I could dream of Sophie. Eight months today and I have yet to see her in them. I so WISH with everything that I could.

Bree said...

Hi Jaime,
Just wanted to let you know that Sydney's butterfly is up on my site. Sorry it took so long. xoxo