Last Sunday night, after arguing with my mother in law, I had a complete break down. I sobbed, I yelled, I threw things, I broke things. I was so completely sad and angry and frustrated. After my temper tantrum, I laid on the couch and cried some more while Eric cleaned up my mess. In my blind rage, I threw a cat statue that one of the kids gave me for Christmas and it broke. I felt so guilty for that. Luckily, Hailey fell asleep before my tantrum, but Christian heard it all. He was very concerned. As I laid on the couch crying, he came and put his arms around me. The way he was standing, at first, I thought it was Eric. Then I opened my eyes and realized it was him. My sweet little 7 year old boy was comforting me. He just held onto me for the longest time and gave me kisses. I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for Christian and Hailey.
I'm going in tomorrow evening for my tattoo in Sydney's memory. I have a few ideas so I went in to talk to the tattoo artist and he is going to draw up some designs for me. I know that I want her footprints and I would like something with a butterfly. It will also have her name and birthdate. I think I am going to have it put on my left calf. I already have a tattoo on my right ankle. Eventually I am also going to get something for Christian and Hailey, which I've wanted to do for a long time, but I could never decide on anything. With Sydney, it was easy. I knew I wanted her footprints. It hasn't been easy to decide on a design and I've spent hours looking at other memorial tattoos online. I may end up getting a footprint of each Christian and Hailey, since theirs were much bigger, with names and birthdates also.
It seems like there was more I wanted to say, but my mind has completely blanked now. That's so typical lately.
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