Thursday, June 18, 2009

Another blow

Never say that things can't get any worse. I should know that by now. It can always get worse.

We decided to start trying to get pregnant again last month. Amazingly enough, last Wednesday (also Sydney's 4 month birthday), I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I took another on Friday and the line was much darker. I had typical signs of pregnancy. I was anxious and trying not to get too excited. Then Tuesday night, I started to bleed. I hoped it was nothing and would go away, but by Wednesday morning the bleeding was quite heavy and I knew that it was over.

This just compounds my sadness. I really don't like February or June anymore. Our very first pregnancy, before Christian, was an early loss in June and the baby was due in February. Just like this baby. And of course, Sydney was due in June and died in February. I now have more confirmed losses than I have living children (there was also one other suspected loss between Christian and Hailey, but it wasn't confirmed). I feel like such a failure. Maybe I'm not meant to have another baby. :(

8 comments:

angie said...

Oh, Jaime. I'm so so sorry. Sending you much love and grounding. xo

Inanna said...

I'm so sorry, sweetie :(((( I had a loss like that the cycle before I conceived William. It's so shocking to see that line and then to start bleeding that way. :(

Momma2AnUnbornAngel said...

I am so very sorry about this hun.....it makes me weap knowing that you have last yet another angel. My prayers and thoughts go out to you and your family. Bless you and my the Lord guide you through this. (((((HUGS))))) Mia

Foreverloves said...

I'm so very very sorry,Jamie.

Bree said...

I'm sorry. That is so unfair. Don't lose faith. Thinking of you!!

Mary said...

I am sorry. Sometimes I feel like our bodies are reflecting how we feel. I will pray that you will receive your rainbow.

Emily said...

Oh, Jaime! I'm so sorry. Please don't give up hope, though. If you're meant to have another one, it'll happen.

Sharing your pain...

Bree said...

Oh Jaime, I know I read this before and even commented here. But, had to come back and read it again since the same freaking thing happened to me this month. I'm so, so sorry. It is so painful to think that you're going to have another go at it and then for that dream to be crushed too. I vow to never ever take a hpt before I'm at least a week late. I can't do that to myself again.