The pieces of the puzzle are falling into place. After Hailey was born, I got a copper IUD. After 3 years or so with that, I started bleeding uncontrollably and had it removed. I continued bleeding so in April 2007, I had a hysteroscopy and D&C to check things out and the bleeding stopped for a few months. When it started again, I tried to have a tubal ligation and Novasure (endometrial ablation), but when I was put into the Trendelenberg position during surgery, I stopped breathing and my oxygen saturation dropped into the 60s. They decided that it was caused by my weight and that led me to have Lap Band surgery on February 28, 2008. In the meantime, after the attempted tubal/Novasure (which never happened obviously), I started having a lot of pain with the bleeding and ended up in the ER, admitted to the hospital, and had an emergency D&C because I was basically hemorrhaging. That D&C showed "chronic endometritis," I was treated with a month of Doxycycline and the bleeding went away. So fast forward to now. I get pregnant and end up with some type of infection. It dawns on Dr. S that Eric wasn't treated. If it was mycoplasma then, he probably had it too and should've been treated. He gave it back to me, I got pregnant, and it went crazy. Stupid bacteria. Dr. S will do an endo biopsy at my 6 week check up to confirm, then treat us both. If I decide to get pregnant again, I will be on prophylactic antibiotics throughout the pregnancy, along with at least biweekly cervical length checks.
I have no idea what I want to do as far as another baby. I go back and forth all the time. One minute, I think I need a baby, NOW. I want to be pregnant ASAP because I want to fill up this empty place in my heart, arms, and womb. Then I think, I can't do it, I can't risk going through this again. My rational side keeps reminding my irrational side that I can't put her back, a new baby won't be Sydney, we can't have a baby for the wrong reasons and put the responsibility of our healing on the shoulders of a tiny baby. But, damn it is so hard to know that I won't be having my baby in my arms in a few months, that she was already here and in my arms for a few short hours and that's all I ever get with her. I didn't think I ever wanted more kids and now that she was here and left her mark on my heart and soul, I can't imagine not experiencing it all again. We thought Sydney was our fate--that she HAD to be meant to be. I attempted to have a tubal and it failed. In early October, Eric went to the urologist after months of me telling him to and scheduled his vasectomy. It was supposed to be in December, about 2 weeks before Christmas. On October 26th, I found out I was pregnant. We thought, wow this baby snuck in there just before the vasectomy and it must be fate. We were going to go ahead with the vasectomy so we wouldn't have to worry about it after she was born. Eric works at Sears and of course, December is a really busy month and the weekend he would've needed off for his vasectomy was their busiest weekend of the season so we decided to just postpone it. Now here we are, our baby is gone, and we have a choice to make. Maybe her purpose here was to make us realize how much we wanted another child, but damnit, we had her! Why did she have to go? She was so perfect and beautiful. Why did God give us this angel that we didn't even know we wanted just to take her away?
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